Rri me mua

Ne mengjes kur vishesh edhe shkon,

kur me puthje me thua lamtumire,

me thot zemra ti mos ik ti mos ik, te lutem.

Lamtumira nuk me pelqen.

Ti s'e di, a ndoshta se kupton 

se larg teje dashuria me trishton. 

Rri prane meje edhe pak edhe pak te lutem.

Me nje puthje mos me genje.

Rri te lutem, mos shko. 

Nuk do ndarje dashuria.

Mos shko.

Po kur do kthehesh?

Nje cast pran me jete

un e di se do me kthehet dashuria

ne zemren time ,do jete gezimi.

Dhe ti atehere do me kuptosh.

Dhe kur vjen i cilter si femi,

jam e lumtur se s'do ikesh perseri.

Ti me ndjen e embel me qerton.

Dashuria zemres falje i kerkon. 

Rri prane meje rri dhe pak edhe pak te lutem.

rri te lutem mos shko. 

Po kur do kthehesh? 

Nje cast pran me jete,

un e di se do me kthehet dashuria.

Ne zemren time, do jete gezimi 

dhe atehere ti do me kuptosh.

Ra mesnata. Tashme rruget i zuri qetesia. Degjohet tek tuk boria e ndonje makine ne distance. Jam vetem sonte sikur cdo nate. Jo, jo nuk jam vetem. Me vete kam shoqen time te ngushte, Melankoline. Dalengadale ne po behemi nje. Hap e mbyll syte me shpresen qe kjo eshte vec nje mankth i keq dhe sa te hap syte cdo gje do zhduket. Perpiqem....perpiqem por pa rezultate. Ky eshte realiteti im. Ferr i vertete. Mbijetoj po vetem mbijetoj ama. Kam harruar si jetohet, nganjiher dyshoj ne dita te jetoj vertete. Vitet rinore i harxhova neper re paqartesie dhe naiviteti. Do jetoj une valle nje dite? Nuk e di por do vazhdoj te mbijetoj me shprese. 

What does it really mean to be me? Stress, melancholy and fatigue all the time. Bu you know what? I love it. This is how i have made my life. I's like to think I'm independent. I speak loudly. I cry hard and laugh even harder. I do everything passionately and I truly love life, even though most of the time I'm complaining that life sucks. I get mad easily and my anger dissolves easily. I am all for love and peace. On rare occasions I wish I'd been born a man. 

Une do shterngoj romancat e mia e ti do shterngosh kufjet duke degjuar Redin, Sandrin apo Pirron. Sigurisht vetmine do e shoqerojm me tym duahni dhe lot. Ska si te jete ndryshe. Melankolia shkon  vetem me shije nikotine, trishtim dhe nate. Per mua e ardhmja nuk do vinka kurre e  ndersa ti qan per dje. Me trego kur do qeshim ne ?Apo kur te jemi me miliona kilometra larg njera tjetres. 

Sme harrohet ajo mesnate ne 14th street, sikurse sme harrohet dhe ajo puthja madheshtore qe deshmova. Pasjon te tille te papermbajtur kurre skisha pare ne jeten time, pervec se ne filma. Ai e shterngonte pas vetes dhe me doren tek floket e saj i thithte buzet. E ajo i afrohej me teper sikur donte ti bashkonte trupat ne nje. Ai kthente koken dhe vazhdonte ta puthte pa pike hezitimi edhe pse ndodheshin ne nje shesh publik me qindra njerez qe i kalonin prane. Ajo e prekte neper trup dhe dukej qarte efekti qe kishte mbi te. Mbi kokat e tyre levizte elektronikisht koha duke llogaritur sekondat, minutat, ditet e ngelura nga viti 2008. Por cifti ishte i humbur ne pasjonin e tyre dhe as e vinin re qe koha po fluturonte. Vazhdoja te thithja cigaren dhe nikotinen qe shperndahej kudo ne gjuhen time duke me lene vetem nje shije te hidhur ne goje por ama qetesuse. Kisha nevoje per qetesim sepse skena perballe s'krijonte gje tjeter vec maraton hormonesh. E thitha per here te fundit, buzeqesha ne nate dhe hodha tutje bishtin e cigares. Ora 1. Koha per tu kthyer ne shtepi. Me te vertete koha nuk eshte faktor per pasjonin por ama eshte faktor kryesor per realitetin.

tik tak tik tak....

 Me te vertete u linda ne nje shtepi private ne Tirane por tani me pelqejn keto apartamentet e vogla te lagjes time. U linda larg detit por u rrita me Paqsorin. Me mesuan tradita shqiptare por mu deshen tradita amerikane. Dikur flisja shqip gjithe diten, tani flas anglisht gjithe kohes. Levizja me autobuza kur isha e vogel, u bene pothuajse 7 vjet qe nuk kam hipur ne nje te tille. Haja patate me veze, tani vetem domate pa shije dhe qumesht organik. Dikur mezi zbrisja nga kolovarsja tani mezi bej kohe te hipi ne kolovarse. Me mbusheshin kembet me shenja nga pickimet e mushkonjave tani te vetmet shenja jane ato te bera ne femijri. Perkijsa diku atehere, tani jo me. Plot naivitet thurja endrra te pamundura, tani plot realizem po mesohem te shoh endrra vetem ne gjume. U rrita?! Se di ....

21st birthday *Daddy's little girl not so little anymore."

It is customary that your 21st birthday should be celebrated in a casino gambling the night away or in a nightclub getting wasted, dancing to loud trashy music next to sweaty strangers. Well not only did I NOT gamble but i didn't even took a sip of alcohol. Is that ironic or what? And trust me it was not intentional. This is how it started. I called my mom at like 1 this morning and of course i knew the bad news that she didn't get the visa (again) but it's difficult hearing how it happened on your birthday. And truly it is indeed hard when the only present you want is the presence of your mother. Well obviously i am not so lucky to have all my wishes come true. I received 21 text messages from Ivi. A couple of them made me cry. An interesting text message came from next door, i mean literally from the room next to mine. Ela's idea of a unique way of wishing me happiness and all that good stuff one wishes on such occasions. Waking up i see my phone bombarded with many messages and missed calls. Usually i am very pleasant and make fast friends but only a selected few love me unconditionally as i love them so their good wishes mean a lot to me. However as i was going through the messages i was hoping to see one from you (you know who you are)but there was none there. I decided i would receive a phone call later but none came. Well i talked to all my loved ones and got ready for work. Yes i worked on my birthday. I worked because i wanted to. I didn't want to celebrate my birthday truth be told because i was not in a festive mood. I stopped by Woodside first. Juana and her craziness made some customers sing me the happy birthday song. Blushing i left and worked for some good 6 hours. It went surprisingly fast and Vali is funny when she wants to. So all in all wasn't that bad. I was driving home listening to 'Livin la Vida Loca' and i realized that i was not living the vida loca. I was living a moderately boring life with a couple of exciting trips attached to it. I was thinking of a way to make it more exciting but i didn't find an answer . I still haven't found one. My family was gathered like they always do on my birthday. It is nice to know you got people supporting and being there for you in such an important date as your birthday, especially people that love you like my family loves me. Enea, Kevin, Brandon and me blew the candles and I didn't make a wish because it would be pointless to make a wish that wouldn't come true. I am laying in my bed now listening to 'Pa Fat' , only too fitting for my situation.

IvI

'Si trendafil je, si trendafil,
Gonxhe fare po cil moj cil.
Hapi petalet me ngadale
hidhe aromen vale vale.'

Dikur keshtu te thoja shpesh
doja qe te dilje ti ne pah, ne shesh.
po e mjera une sma mori mendja
qe do behej keshtu gjendja.

Jo vetem qe petalet i hape plotesisht
po u bere tamam si yll me bisht.
Si mizat te mjalti u hodhen mbas teje
e xhelozi ndjejne ndaj meje.

Po se dine ato te bekuar
qe me mua ti je dashuruar
dhe aromen eremire per mua e leshon
se te dua e me don.

Joy

Isha prap te moli para ca diteve. Aty eshte vendi ku takohem une me veten time. Ndjehem e mistershme kur ve kapucin ne koke dhe kufjet ne vesh e teresisht humbas ne boten time. Rri gjate ne stolat boshe ne cep e rruges teksa vezhgoj dallget e pafundme. Vijn e derdhen harbutshem mbi rere e aty te bregu ca zogj shalethare presin me padurim me shpresen mos i sjell ndonje ushqim per te mbijetuar. Mos valle dhe une pres per ushqim? Ushqim per shpirtin? E di qe eshte e pamundur te fusesh dashurine ne shishe e ta hedhesh ne det. Dhe akoma me e pamundur qe te udhetoje aq larg per te ardhur tek une. Qesh me veten time, me endrrat e mia e mia te parealizushme e me vete jeten. Tashme s'me ka mbetur asgje tjeter vec te zgerdhihem dhe te pretendoj qe jam e lumtur.

'Propozimi ideal do ishte sikur te mbyllej gjith ura, te ishim une dhe ai te vetmit mbi te, mbi uje. I gjith qyteti dhe ndertesat ndricuese spektatore. E ndersa ai ulet ne gjunje e mer doren time dua qe te ndricohen anet e ures me drita vezulluse. Te degjohen vetem tinguj zemrash dhe frymarrje ankthi, pritjeje. Por ka vetem 2 probleme me kete teorine time.'
'cfare?'
'e para ai duhet te jete aq i fuqishem dhe i pasur sa te ndalonte komplet qarkullimin mbi Brooklyn Bridge .'
'e dyta?'
'me duhet ta gjej ate'
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'E di si me dukesh sonte?'
'He?'
'Si Borebardha. Keto floket e drejta te zeza dhe lekura jote e bardhe e bardhe.'
'haha jo mi jo :P'
'Po une si kush princesh jam?'
'Si Hirushja. Se Hirushja ishte e vetmja princesh bjonde.'
'A thua se dhe une do kem fundin porsi Hirushja?'